I've been away from here for some time now, it's been a strange few years and now I find myself stuck wanting to end my life. I no longer see a reason to live apart from my girlfriend.
She just had her 50th birthday party yesterday I used every penny I had to pay for it. It wasn't the best but I did everything I could. Only to be treated by everyone apart from her and my family even talking to me. I got called "Tony" who is my girl friend's x husband. Her eldest son decided to do the thank you to all the guests who was a guest's himself.
I've not seen my daughter for 9 years now. She's not even on Facebook no replies from her sisters brothers or even her mother.
I lost my car after someone crashed into me and I had to take the blame so I didn't end up in prison because it was 2 against one.
I feel like I'm fighting with every breath just to keep going. Waiting for the great black hole to join me and carry me away from all this. I keep wanting to set fire to myself constantly having this little voice telling me that everyone would be better off without me. I'm starting to find it harder to fighting its getting stronger every day I try to fight it and ignore him.
The is no point seeking "professional" help as they just want to fob me off like everything belse I go to them for.
I'm hoping something or someone might rescue me before I sink to low but I have no one to talk to anymore no friends, my family have their own issue's. I just wanna sit in a corner and cry but I've never been like that I cried once as an adult when my grandmother died.
If you read this then you shouldn't be and please stop and forget you did I don't want sympathy or anything just to be left alone
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